Lazy Thai Curry - Sent In By Noctu

For sheer fucking laziness, here's a curry of sex. From start to eating it takes anything from 15 minutes to 2 hours, depending on how many beers you drink whilst making it. No, you don't actually have to pay attention for most of that time.


Noctu's Lazy Cunt Thai Curry, With Coconut Rice.


Ingredients:

Coconut milk (At least 2 tins. I use 3. Full fat for the lardy bastards, at 80g of fat per tin. Yes. Light tastes exactly the fucking same though. If you can get tins with chunks of coconut in, bonus. You'll only need one of those.)

Chicken. (To continue the lazy theme, buy it pre cut up into cubes)
Rice.
Lemongrass (2 or 3 stalks)
Galangal (Small lump, thumb sized if you're not a midget)
Shallots (However many you fucking want. 2 or 3 works)
Garlic (2-3 cloves)
Bird Eye chillis, or anything else equally as hot. (2-3 for people who can't take heat, 15 if you like it to burn your eyes).

For the really lazy, a lot of supermarkets sell all of the above in one pre-packaged lump. Some even throw a lime in, the dirty bastards. One of those pre packaged things will do for someone who doesn't like too much spice. As always, I'd advise MORE FUCKING CHILLI.

If you want to fuck around a bit, stuff like Thai 5 spice, chinese 7 spice, kaffir lime, green curry powder, chilli flakes, anything like that, you can just whack in. No, I'm not going to tell you how much, as I never bother to measure.


The hard bit:

Peel garlic and shallots.
Cut the stalks off the chillis.
Cut about an inch off the fat ends of two pieces of lemon grass. Keep it.
Dump a tin of coconut milk, the rest of the lemon grass, the garlic, the shallots, and the chillis into a blender.
Blend the cunt (If you have a tin with chunks of coconut in, and you're only using one, I hate you. Take the chunks out, blend, put the chunks back in.).

Get a wok or frying pan nice and hot.
Whack the lot in. Inhale.
If you want a lot of sauce, whack another tin of coconut milk in now.
Whack the chicken in. Yes, raw. Fuck it, let's live a little. (If you really want to fry it first, feel free. I'm just lazy).

If you really want to go to town, cut a few bird eye chillis in half lengthways and chuck them in at this point.

Leave well alone for as long as you waWhack it in a massive fucking bowlnt (at least until the chicken's cooked, anyway). The longer you cook it, the sexier it is.

Whilst that's cooking, make the coconut rice.

Full tin of coconut milk in a pan. Depending on how much rice you're cooking, you'll probably need to add extra water.
Add rice.
Chuck in those lumps of lemon grass I told you to save. You did save them, didn't you? You sod.
Feel free to throw in any other spicy crap you feel like.
Cook, until the water is all absorbed and you're burning your pan, or until it's fucking cooked.
Drain.
Hook out the lemon grass, which will be soggy and shit by now.

Whack the rice in a massive fucking bowl, put some chicken and plenty of sauce on top of it, and fucking eat.

You bastards.