Captn Hood-Butter's Sweary Cheese On Toast

(NOTE: This is NOT Welsh Rarebit, there is nothing fucking Welsh about this at all. Right!?) This makes 4 bits

Captn Hood-Butter's Sweary Cheese On Toast

Cheese. This must be strong cheddar. A good farmhouse cheddar, not that poxy shyte you get from the supermarket in poncey wrapping. Grate a lump the size of a fag packet in a bowl and add two egg yolks. Grate, yes grate, a small red onion, add a dessertspoon of tomato puree and if you like it, a splosh of Marmite.

Get some nice bread. Tesco do this uncut, freshly baked Tiger bread. This is best although any freshly baked stuff will do. You can use brown or granary if you are a fucking hippy. Put the bread under the grill and grill just one side. Turn the bread over and slightly indent the ungrilled side. Now add the mixture to the ungrilled indented side and fucking grill again until it goes all dark brown and spotty like a bastard leopard.