Captn Hood-Butter’s Onion And/Or Egg Fried Fluffy Fucking Rice

Captn Hood-Butter’s Onion And/Or Egg Fried Fluffy Fucking Rice

For this use Basmatti rice. Nothing else will do. NOTHING.
Bring to the boil some water and add half the desired quantity of rice. Make sure there is loads of water and it don’t boil away. When the rice has embiggified and is cooked, pour the contents of the pan into a metal sieve and immediately pour a kettle of boiling water over the rice, shake all the water out and place in a bowl.
Now do the same thing again only this time add a teaspoon of turmeric to the water. When done add this rice to the other rice. You end up with white and yellow rice and it looks the bollocks.

Now get out your wok and fry some onions until well brown - almost burnt if you like. If you like egg rice, then fry some eggs into the onions and keep stirring with a wooden spoon until the egg is all broken up. Add the rice, mix together and serve. Hey Presto - Fluffy fucking rice.