Chocolate Chip Cookie & Banana Dessert

As submitted by DangerMouse

Take a pack of saxby's chocolate chip cookie dough
split into 24 and place a blob in each well of a mini-muffin tray
cook for slightly less than the stated time.

Remove from oven and while still hot and soft, squish it in the middle to make it into a pastry-case shape, (this can be the end of a
small rolling pin, or one of the special tools available from lakeland).

When it's cold, place a thick chink of banana in the bottom, spoon
over some caramel toffee sauce (editors note - get a can of condensed milk, put it into a saucepan, add some brown sugar and heat until really really thick. Try not to eat it all out of the pan, there's a dear). 

Top with extra-thick double (or whipped) cream.

Dust with cocoa and serve.

Piss Easy Beery Stovies

As submitted by MooCow_Byter

This is a bastardised version of the traditional Scottish meal, and is lovely and filling with a smooth, rich gravy. Good for cold nights or comfort food.

Don't worry too much about the exact quantities of ingredients. The ones given will serve several people, depending on how greedy they are, but you can easily scale up or down.

You will need:
4-6 Potatoes. The big, floury, baking kind.
Minced Beef. 800g is good.
An onion, or two if you want.
Oil, butter or fat.
A can of beer. Lager gives best results.
2 stock cubes. I prefer chicken, but beef or vegetable are fine, too.
Seasoning - pepper, chopped parsley, herbs, whatever you have.
A big pan with a lid.
Optional: button mushrooms. I like them, but they aren't essential.

How to do it:
Heat the oil in the pan and add the chopped onion. Cook it until it's soft, but not brown. In the meantime peel the potatoes and slice them thinly. You might want to chop them in half first if they're especially big. Put them in with the onions and stir so that everything is covered in oil. If you're using mushrooms, chop them up and add them now, too.

Put the lid on the pan and leave it on a low heat for ten minutes or so. Then add the beer, and crumble in the stock cubes. Now cover the pan and cook on the lowest heat you can.

Once the potatoes are cooked (probably about half an hour, check back and stir from time to time), add the mince and mix it all up. Season to taste, and turn up the heat a bit so that you have a slow simmer. Leave the whole thing for at least 45 minutes, although anything up to a couple of hours is fine.

You can serve with bread or oatcakes if you like, but it's fine by itself, too.

Mashed Up Chicken Pie

As submitted by Hooker1UK

Mashed Up Chicken Pie
(bit like shepards pie but i like it)

What you need: -

4 chicken breasts
Posh chicken gravy,
Potatoes
Butter
Milk
Salt and pepper

Large casserole dish

Chop the potatoes, and boil them until ready to mash. Whilst they're cooking chop the chicken into chunks and fry it off until cooked through and nicely browned. 

Once potatoes are ready, mash them carefully to ensure there are no lumps (this is important) adding, milk, butter and tiny amonuts of salt/pepper

Make posh gravy up, make sure it's not too watery it needs to be a bit stodgy

Place cooked chicken and stodgy gravy into casserole dish.

Place mash on top of gravy and chicken

Slap in the oven for about 20 mins until mash has crisped up on top

(Don't forget to make some veg up to go with it or it looks pure boring)

Chipotle Pumpkin and Black bean soup with Apple salsa and Cranberry cream

As submitted by the (ever lovely) MilkNoSugar

Ingredients:
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 large chopped onion
2 large cloves of finely chopped garlic
1 Chipotle Chilli (finely chopped) or 1 tbsp Chipotle seasoning mix
1 bottle of beer
1 tin of pumpkin puree or 1lb of pumpkin cooked and blended
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
2 pinches of ground cinnamon
salt and pepper
750ml of chicken stock
1 tin of black beans
1 Granny Smith apple (finely chopped)
1/2 small red oniion (finely chopped)
1 jalapeno chilli (seeded and chopped)
handful of coriander (finely chopped)
bit of lime juice
100ml sour cream
50ml cranberry sauce

1. Heat the oil and cook the onion, garlic and chipotle chilli for 5 mins
2. Add the beer and cook until reduced by half
3. Stir in the pumpkin, spices and seasoning
4. stir in the chicken stock and beans and simmer for 10 minutes
5. combine the apple, red onion, jalapeno, coriander and lime juice in a seperate bowl
6. combine the sour cream and cranberry sauce in a seperate bowl
7. serve the soup in bowls and top with the apple salsa and cranberry cream

Ta daaaa!

Cabbage Rolls

As submitted by Mongychops

(Editors Note - My favourite Londoner visited Sir Pigeon Nipples in Australia a few month ago. He came back full of Guinness and a love of all things Oz-like, but most of all, he was impressed by Sir Pigeon Nipples' wife's cooking. He sent me this recipe for the blog. It's origins are Polish, but it reminds me a little bit of Greek Dolmades.)

Cabbage Rolls

INGREDIENTS (t=teaspoon, T=Tablespoon, C=Cup)

1 medium cabbage

1/4C rice
1C water
1C milk
1/4 - 1/2lb minced steak (lean beef mince)
1/4lb minced pork
1/3C milk or cream
1&1/2t salt
1/4t white pepper
1 egg (optional)

2T butter for frying
1T brown sugar
2C beef stock

pan juice for gravy
1&1/2T plain flour
1/2C cream
salt, pepper, seasonings

Use a large boiler/saucepan fill with water and bring to the boil.

Cut a 'V' out of the base of the leaves, where the stem is at its thickest, in order to cut the stem out.

Boil and blanch a couple of cabbage leaves at a time (until they go bright green). Remove and place on a clean tea towel, or paper towel.

Rinse rice in water, then cook in boiling water (1C of water), until the water disappears.

Add the milk (1C), cook slowly until the rice is tender, then cool.

Add to mince, egg, seasonings.

Get a cabbage leaf and place approx 2t of meat mixture (depending on leaf size), and place near the base of the leaf. Fold 1 side of the leaf in, over the meat, then roll up roll from the bottom once. Next fold over the other side of the leaf, and finish rolling up the cabbage roll. Fasten the roll with 1 or more toothpicks. Repeat as many times as required.

Heat butter in fry pan (preferably an electric fry pan).

Brown rolls on all sides.

Sprinkle with brown sugar.
Pour stock over rolls.
Cook slowly until tender, basting occasionally (for about an hour).

Combine the cream and flour, and add to the pan juice.

Stir until boiling, then reduce temperature and then simmer for approx 5 mins.

Serve on a bed of rice with the gravy poured over the top and a dollop of sour cream on the side, or in the center.

Finally make sure you cook it with love.

An Apology (again)

I've been unutterably shite. I know. You've been sending me your recipes, and eagerly awaiting their publication...and I've been looking at them, and then drinking Gin. I'm a naughty naughty Wicca'd.

Anyhoo, I have a nice pile of recipes to upload, so enjoy. I'll also be doing a whole selection of Christmas and Yule recipes, as even I am not immune to the joys of the holiday season.

Sorry about the lack of updates...

I have had NO submissions from b3ta for flippin' ages.

They are lazy lazy gobshites.

I feel a SPAM attack coming on, mark my words.